Confessions of a Horror Writing Mummy

#2
Finding Inspiration:

Using real life to find ways of killing characters:

Come on. We’ve all thought it about someone. Someone who grates on our nerves. A rival who gets up your nose whenever they get the chance. A horrible boss you wish would have a heart attack already. That not so nice motorbike rider who just clipped your mirror while slipping illegally through the traffic jam. Or the dreaded ex. How many of you secretly hope that they get hit by a truck? I have a friend who prays that her ex gets hit by a truck, any truck or hopefully a bus. And if God likes her enough, the ex will not only be run over by a truck, but the bus as well, one after the other, ka thud-ka thud.

Most people I deal with at work are pleasant. But there are those troublesome few who think it’s their God-given right to give me attitude for something that is their fault, not mine. I’ve been sworn at when I say we can’t help them; been called many rude names when all I’ve asked is if they have a copy of the receipt so I can look them up in our files; then there’s the sexism. “I don’t want to talk to you because you’re a woman.” But I’m the one who books you in. Sexism comes at me from both sexes. “You’re just the secretary, put me onto someone who can help me book the technician in to fix my …” THAT WOULD BE ME! Aaarrrgghh.

When I hear these people I instantly want to assert some telekinetic mind exploding blast down the telephone line. But wait, that’s been done before. Scanners, where are you now? I will get even and write horrible deaths for character with them in mind. Mwuh-huh-huhhhhhh.

So let’s take a look at how the stuck in a traffic jam scenario plays out in my head. I’ve got all the time in the world to conjure, to feed my imagination. Most of us have been stuck in a traffic jam, cursing, cussing, annoyed, angry and frustrated, so fellow writers use those emotions!

A jerk in a big ol’ 4WD, without indicating, has decided that the little gap you left in front of you is big enough to squeeze into. Then he flips you the bird. Then as your nerves settle you hear a small bang and a guy on a motor bike has not only knocked your side mirror but smashed it, broke it and he doesn’t stop until he realises he is stuck further up ahead.

There’s a bridge up ahead and you hear wheels screeching. You spy the white smoke and watch as the rear end accident unfolds. So here’s the bit that’s fiction. Sure I could have the car that was rear ended careen off the bridge and land flat on the motor bike guy. But to me that sounds too bland, too quick. So how about it being a truck? A tanker? But I don’t want it carrying something toxic, or explosive, or a biohazard that would doom all of mankind and turn everyone into zombies, that would be too easy. Let’s say, for my imagination’s sake, that the tanker is carrying milk.

Now we’re thinking outside the box.

So the motor bike rider sees the truck falling towards him, he can only reverse up. There’s not enough room between the two cars beside him to even move his legs to get off the bike. He ducks and … is saved by the other two cars, but there’s a problem … We’ll come back to him in a moment.

The truck flips and the top curved corner hits the roof of the 4WD and the roof caves in and the sunroof falls out. Pop! Right on top of the guy’s head. He tries to get out of his vehicle but his seatbelt won’t budge. (Clichéd, I know) but the reason it’s not working is because he broke it and was on his way to having it fixed. There’s a hole in the corner of the milk tank. The milk gushes in at such a rate that … He can open the door you say, a window? Not if there is no handle to wind it down and the door won’t open because of the collapsed roof.

So the driver of the 4WD drowns in something that is good for you. What would happen if he was allergic to milk products … ahhh the possibilities. (I’m so evil it’s scary.)

The motor biker, what about him?

The driver of one of the cars that saved him from being crushed has fainted. His or her foot has slipped on the accelerator. The truck stuck on top slides and the car is tilted onto its side. The car’s wheels whir furiously. The bike shifts beneath him and he falls. The truck slides a little and the car moves back towards the motor cyclist. The spinning tyre … and … basically, like a wood sander, strips everything off from his clothes to the flesh to the muscle to the bone. Then the car finishes falling and lands on top of him.

The traffic’s moving. Inspiration, thinking outside the box, is what writers must do to make their stories come alive.

So I have a very evil imagination.

I confess, that without it, I would be just like everyone else. I don’t want that. Anyway, thinking up horrible ways of killing characters by using real life keeps me from cracking under the pressure. I’m a sweet person. I’ll do anything to help anyone out. But to all those horrible people who make life insufferable die, die, die already and don’t ever drive behind a milk truck.

Confess you later,

EJ

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6 thoughts on “Confessions of a Horror Writing Mummy

  1. Tamara says:

    Ohh Liz. I laughed. You have a wicked imagination. I love the drowning in milk.

  2. Drowning in Milk sounds like it would make a great song title. I do have a wicked sense of humour, hopefully soon one of my pieces will be picked up for that very reason.

  3. Pete Aldin says:

    Drowning in something that’s good for you => magic!!!!!!!!

  4. Dena says:

    Oh my goodness! Impressive article dude! Many thanks, However
    I am having difficulties with your RSS. I don’t understand why I can’t subscribe to it.
    Is there anyone else having identical RSS problems? Anybody
    who knows the solution can you kindly respond?
    Thanx!!

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